By Tim Sanders

When I was young, I was in with the "in crowd." There was no one more hip than I. I can say that because, even if it isn’t true, this is my column and I can say whatever I want.

I did at least understand popular jargon in the ‘60s. Some of it, anyway. That was because we did not take liberties with the English language back then. I, personally, was a groovy, happening dude with an outta sight pad. Okay, so dude-wise I only occasionally happened, and my pad was a tiny dorm room that smelled like old sweat socks. But when my buddies and I put on our cool threads and shades and shagged on down to the hut to score us some pizza, well, we may have looked like so many floats in a goofy dork parade, but that was only a facade. Down deep, we had our own special brand of cool. We reeked of it. We could really get down and boogie when the opportunity arose. Had it ever arisen, that is. I mean, like, back then we were very funky, far out cats. Just like John Denver. You dig?

Now, of course, the younger generation uses words and phrases which seem downright bogus to us. If you are totally bummed out and confused by all of today’s jive trash talk, I have done some research. Here are a few urban slang definitions which might help:

MY BAD - The logical follow-up question, of course, is "Your bad what?" Since there is no noun following the adjective "bad," what it probably means is "my bad grammar."

PEEPS - When we were kids, "peeps" were the sounds baby chickens made. Now, however, peeps are simply acquaintances, or people in general. Short people with feathers and squeaky voices, I suppose.

HANGING - Formerly an excellent way of dealing with horse thieves, train robbers and politicians, "hanging" now implies spending time with your peeps.

POSSE - Back when things made sense, a posse was that group of stern-faced, no-nonsense deputies who pursued Butch and Sundance around the Southwest. In today’s jargon, the peeps you hang with are your posse. Anybody can have a posse. You got a posse, I got a posse, all God’s children got a posse. Had they only known it, Butch’s and Sundance’s own Hole in the Wall Gang could have been their posse, and saved them a lot of trouble.

CAR-BQ - When your team wins the NBA championship, you hang with your peeps until finally, overcome with joy, the thrill of victory, and the warmth of true camaraderie, you take the next logical step and commemorate your team’s good fortune by setting fire to a Lexus, a Chevy, and two Ford mini-vans.

BOOTY - In days of yore (the 1960s) this term identified either ill-gotten gains from a pirate raid or something to put on little Elmo’s left footy. Now it identifies a woman’s posterior. (e.g. "Shake your booty, Momma, but watch out for that china cabinet!")

JUNK IN HER TRUNK - This phrase is often used in reference to the aforementioned "booty," and means that the person in question has an ample bottom. (USAGE: "At the reunion I noticed that Uncle Earl had a huge spare tire, and if Aunt Trixie would of had any more junk in her trunk, her transmission woulda fell out.")

GETTIN’ JIGGY WID IT - We are not sure, but we believe this has something to do with either dancing, or possibly fishing. Maybe dancing and fishing at the same time.

PHAT - If this were spelled with an "f," it would simply mean "fat." But when it is spelled with a "ph," it means attractive or tempting. For example, the phrase "that farmer’s daughter is fat" has an altogether different meaning from "that pharmer’s daughter is phat!" The only way you can determine the speaker’s intent, however, is to ask him to spell the sentence. Relax, it may take a while.

HO - No, this is not what Santa said a split second before his massive stroke. A "ho", in modern parlance, is a woman of ill repute. (Again, if your wife should mention that your neighbor’s nasty old "ho" has been lying out back in his garden for a week, you might want to request that she spell it, just to clear up any confusion.)

DOPE - "Dope" was once defined as either a) an idiot, b) factual information, c) a narcotic, d) a varnish or lubricant, or if you lived in the rural South, e) soda pop. Those five definitions were more than anybody needed. Now "dope" also means "excellent; superlative." Thus the frightening sentence, "Hey Larry you dope, I got all the dope written down, so if you’re not all doped up, hand me that can of dope and keep putting dope on that fender until it looks really dope."

DIS (DISS) - "Dis" is short for either "disrespect, disregard, dismiss, dissipate, or distract," I disremember which.

BUTTMUNCH - This term was popularized in that fine dramatic series, "Beavis and Butthead," and although its exact meaning is unclear, it is applicable to anybody you find irritating. (EXAMPLE: "In Shakespeare’s Henry IV, Prince Hal is the protagonist, Falstaff is the comic foil, and Hotspur is the buttmunch.")

TALK TO THE HAND - How a schizophrenic deaf person carries on a conversation with himself.

THE BOSS OF ME - This is currently used instead of "my boss," and often with the popular phrase "you’re SO NOT" preceding it. (VAR. "You’re so not the husband of me!")

SO YESTERDAY - The word "so" once indicated "to a great extent," and as such had to be followed by an adjective (e.g."She’s so fat ... or phat, if you prefer."). The phrase "so yesterday," however, has no adjectives, and applies to the words and phrases old farts like me use in daily conversation. (NOTE: It is acceptable to follow "so" with an adjective, as long as you preface that adjective with a "NOT," as in "he’s so NOT cool, I’m so NOT ready, she’s so NOT funny, that’s so NOT dope ... er, dopey.")

I hope this has been helpful. Next week we will research the viability of the urban farm versus its logical alternative, the rural skyscraper. We’ll also discuss how to get Daryl Hannah down from your walnut tree using only a small brass bell and a shiny bit of aluminum foil. No cherry pickers. No bricks.