Road Apples
July 6, 2009


Michigan on a budget

By Tim Sanders

Last week, searching for something notable that might have happened on July 6, I learned that the very first official Republican Party convention was held on July 6, 1854, in Jackson, Michigan. Of course that city had been named just a quarter of a century earlier for the nation’s first Democratic president, but that did not deter the Republicans, many of whom thought they were in Oshkosh, Wisconsin.
But since nothing else of historical significance ever happened on July 6, this column will deal with fascinating Michigan vacation spots which you might want to visit this summer in order to avoid the crowds at the more popular resorts.


NOVI - Novi, Michigan, in Oakland County, was so named because it was Stagecoach Stop #6 (No. VI) between Flint and Detroit. Or it was named Novi because it was tollgate number 6 on the Grand River toll road. Or you may prefer the theory that it was stop number 6 on the railroad, or the sixth town incorporated into Oakland County, or that the official census of 1832 listed only twelve residents there, six of whom were cats. Whatever the case, you may want to travel there just to confuse yourself. While visiting the area you may also wish to drive a few miles to historic Stagecoach Stop #64, Nolxiv, Michigan.

MACKINAC BRIDGE - This bridge, connecting Michigan’s lower and upper peninsulas, is by many estimates the longest suspension bridge in the world. Since its completion in 1957, forty uppity tourists from California have been thrown off the bridge for claiming that San Francisco’s Golden Gate Bridge was longer. Nineteen others came to a bad end after pronouncing the Bridge “Mackin-ACK” rather than “Mackin-AW.” If you visit the Straits of Mackinac, remember that the natives there are a little touchy, and quite protective of their bridge.

INDIAN RIVER - This little town in Cheboygan County is the home of the Cross of the Woods, the world’s largest crucifix. The crucifix is 55 ft. high, bearing a 28 ft. bronze Jesus. As if that weren’t impressive enough, nearby is the world’s largest Nun Doll Museum, which displays a variety of dolls, from Miss Revlons to Barbies to Midges, clad in nuns’ habits. The museum’s owners actually received an official blessing from Pope John Paul II, which read (seriously):

“His holiness Pope John Paul II Vicar of Jesus Christ imparts his Apostolic Benediction upon Sally and Wallace Rogalski for their undertaking in promoting vocations to the Priesthood and Religious life through the world famous Catholic Shrine Doll Museum, 1988.” Amen.
MONTAGUE - I spent the first six years of my life in Montague, Michigan. At that time Montague was not the home of the world’s largest weather vane, but it is now. I have seen it. The vane is 48 ft. tall with a 26-foot wind arrow, topped by a 14-foot replica of a 19th century Great Lakes schooner. It is aluminum, and weighs 4300 lbs. There are reports of another world’s largest weather vane in Whitehorse, Canada, that allegedly consists of a pole-mounted DC-3 plane which turns with the wind, but Canadians are notorious liars and I do not believe a word of it.

NEWAYGO - Newaygo lies on the banks of the Muskegon River, and according to our sources claims the title of City of the Fish Heads in the Park. Riverside Park, in downtown Newaygo, contains several huge, carefully sculpted cement fish heads which appear to rise from the grass, gasping for air.

ISHPEMING - People who live in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula call themselves “Yoopers.” I suppose that would make people who live in the Lower Peninsula “Loopers,” but don’t quote me on that. What I do know is that Ishpeming is a town in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula, and it is the home of Da Yoopers Tourist Trap, a souvenir shop owned by Jim “Hoolie” DeCaire. Yoopers are often stereotyped as brawling, drunken louts with too much time on their hands. To disprove that stereotype, outside of Jim’s gift shop and museum sits Big Gus, which is not a portly Yooper, but the world’s largest working chainsaw. Big Gus is 23 feet long and powered by a V-8 engine. According to the report we read, the chainsaw is never run at full speed due to Jim’s fears that the huge chain might fly off across Highway 41 and injure innocent motorists.

MARQUETTE - A few miles east of Ishpeming on Highway 41, Marquette is rumored to be home to Zeemer’s Feed and Seed, where each summer owner Honus Zeemer rents binoculars and chickens to Yoopers at reasonable prices. To promote birdwatching.
PLAINFIELD TOWNSHIP - Plainfield Township, just north of Grand Rapids, was the home of Julia Moore, the Sweet Singer of Michigan. We don’t know of any huge, iron Julia Moore statues, but she certainly deserves one. Julia was born in 1847 and died in 1920. In between she inspired the likes of Mark Twain with some of the very best obituary poetry imaginable. Most of it eulogized children who’d fallen off rafts or choked on pieces of beef. Moore’s favorite word was “Alas!”

If you go to Plainfield Township and mention Julia Moore to a resident, he’ll probably throw a rock at your windshield.

ONAWAY - Onaway, not far from Lake Huron, is Michigan’s Sturgeon Capitol. (It is worth noting here that most states do not even have Sturgeon Capitols.) There you will find the famed George Washington Metal Head, sculpted by Tom Moran of Moran Iron Works. I couldn’t find any dimensions or weight for the sculpture, but judging from the photos I saw, George’s metal head is really, really big.

BITELY - Bitely, Michigan is a tiny community in northern Newaygo County. I just like the name.


If you travel to the Wolverine State you need to know that the Michigan State Motto is “Si quaeris peninsulam amoenam circumspice ... etc., etc.” This is Latin for “If you seek a pleasant peninsula, look about 200 yards west of Ishpeming on Highway 41, where we have a sixty-foot sculpture of one carved by Hoolie DeCaire and his giant chainsaw, Gus.”