Road Apples
July 13, 2009

Eclectic by any other name

By Tim Sanders

Last week I wrote a column which contained a reference to the town of Bitely, Michigan. When I was a kid, I thought Bitely was one of the funniest names I’d ever heard, and every time we drove through Bitely on our way to our cabin in northern Michigan, I would convulse with laughter. On one trip my friend Scott Perkins and I even came up with a little poem which contained lines like “Bitely, Bitely, shuts down nightly.” We rolled around on the back seat of that car, hooting and howling, and my parents were convinced that Bitely or no Bitely, we were not wound too tightly.

At any rate, just the mention of Bitely elicited an overwhelming response from my readers. Oh, all right, it was only one overwhelming response from my buddy Carl Wayne Hardeman of Collierville, Tennessee. He didn’t say so, but I inferred from his email that he was not just whelmed, but absolutely overwhelmed by the name Bitely. He added that his mother was born in the town of Sweet Lips, Tennessee. Sweet Lips, he said, was just down the road from Finger.

Which led to this week’s column about towns with goofy names. Big Bone Lick comes to mind. When we used to travel from Atlanta to Michigan and back, Marilyn, our son Steve and I always took I-75, and always drove past that odd sign in Boone County, Kentucky, indicating the exit to Big Bone Lick. We didn’t like the sound of it much, and never stopped there. If we had, we’d have learned that the sign referred to Big Bone Lick State Park, Birthplace of American Vertebrate Paleontology. It was so named because of the huge mastodon bones found there, and for the fact that what drew the mastodons and their bones to the area was a very nutritious salt lick (I’m sure you’ve heard old hunters tell how they used to put salt licks near mastodon crossings). Big Bone Lick is situated between the thriving communities of Beaverlick and Rabbit Hash.

Here, in no particular order, are some other goofy town names:


NONESUCH, MICHIGAN - This town is located in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula on the shore of Lake Superior.

LAKE INFERIOR, KENTUCKY - Speaking of Lake Superior, there is a Lake Inferior in Campbell County, Kentucky. Our guess is that neither the water quality nor the fishing there is very good.

SPUNKY PUDDLE, OHIO - Kentucky already had Lake Inferior.

GAS, KANSAS - From what we hear, they have a fine Mexican restaurant there.
TOAD SUCK, ARKANSAS - We have no idea why the name was chosen, and don’t want to know.
PECULIAR, MISSOURI - Perhaps so named to differentiate it from towns like:

NORMAL, ILLINOIS - Which probably isn’t, and

BORING, OREGON - Which may well be.

MONKEY’S EYEBROW, KENTUCKY - This one is in Ballard County. As far as we’re concerned, any state that can furnish a name like Big Bone Lick has earned as many Monkey’s Eyebrows as it wants.

GACKLE, NORTH DAKOTA - Located in Logan County, Gackle is the duck hunting capital of the world. We strongly suspect that “gackle” is something which a duck emits from one end or the other.
BLUE BALL, PENNSYLVANIA - Residents of this Lancaster County town will tell you that the name is perfectly respectable, and honors the old Blue Ball Inn which stood at the town’s main intersection for over 200 years. The inn was torn down in the 1990s ... probably because of its name.

SHAKE RAG, GEORGIA - We suspect this misprinted sign was originally intended to say Shake Rug.

TWO EGG, FLORIDA - This town is in Jackson County, which is obviously severely under-chickened. Other appetizing town names include: EGGNOG, UTAH; BACON, DELAWARE; CHEESEVILLE, WISCONSIN; BEANS, NEW HAMPSHIRE; TEA, SOUTH DAKOTA; HOT COFFEE, MISSISSIPPI; and DING DONG, TEXAS - Oddly enough, of all these towns, only Ding Dong, Texas has a restaurant.

WHY, ARIZONA - Located in Pima County at the original Y-intersection of old State Routes 85 and 86, the town was named “Why” because “Y” didn’t have enough letters to suit the state’s Department of Transportation.

WHYNOT, MISSISSIPPI - This community was established as “Whitesville” in June of 1852, with Isham K. Pringle as postmaster. In December of that same year Pringle suggested his own name for the town, and posted a sign at the city limits bearing the slogan “Why not Pringle?” Unfortunately, somebody stole the Pringle half of the sign.
FANNY, WEST VIRGINIA - Located in Wyoming County, this town was named by an early settler, Elisha Judd, in honor of his wife, Eudora.

SCREAMER, ALABAMA - This community was named “Screamer” because the state already had a YELLING SETTLEMENT. Or maybe it was the other way around.

BURNT WATER, ARIZONA - “Burnt” is a popular category, and other states answered with: BURNTFORK, WYOMING; BURNT CORN, ALABAMA; BURNT TREE, VIRGINIA; and BURNT HOUSE, WEST VIRGINIA. Not to be outdone by their fellow West Virginians, the good people of Morgan County burnt an entire factory so that they could name their town IDIOTVILLE. (No, you guessed it, the name is actually BURNT FACTORY.)
MOSQUITOVILLE, VERMONT - So named to keep tourists away. Other insect towns include: TICK BITE, NORTH CAROLINA; CRICKET HILL, GEORGIA; BUG HILL, NORTH CAROLINA; ROACH, NEVADA; SHOOFLY, NORTH CAROLINA; and FLEATOWN, OHIO.

SCRATCH ANKLE, ALABAMA - Since Fleatown is in Ohio, not Alabama, we believe this town was named for a dance step popularized in the 1920s.


In conclusion, let me mention a few other towns in my old home state, Michigan, with names like Podunk, Seewhy, Peacock, Slapneck and Colon. And my current home state, Alabama, is certainly no slacker, with communities like Slapout, Suspension, Rhump, Egypt, Arab, Frog Eye, Jumbo, Magazine, Muck City, Ox Level, Scarce Grease, Snoddy ... and of course Eclectic, which, even if it was only a misspelling of Electric, pretty well says it all.