Road Apples by Tim Sanders
Aug. 9, 2010
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Now, on a sad note (possibly B-flat) ... August is National Inventors Month, and it is only fitting that we mention Mitch Miller, who died on July 31, 2010 at the tender age of 99. Mitch may not have exactly invented the goatee, or karaoke, but there are plenty of oldsters out there who think he deserves honorable mention for his early efforts to introduce chin whiskers and sing-alongs to the general public. When I was in my early teens, television producers were always coming up with creative ideas for shows. Some of those shows were creative in the very best, artistically imaginative sense, like “The Twilight Zone,” and some were “creative” in the very worst, “Hey, let’s give Larry another beer and a crayon and see what he can come up with!” sense, like “My Mother the Car.” One of the shows that fell somewhere in between those two extremes was “Sing Along With Mitch,” which allowed perfectly normal people with perfectly normal people’s voices to sit at home on their perfectly normal sofas and sing along as Mitch Miller conducted his men’s chorale while the lyrics to each song were superimposed on the screen. This show became very popular, due to the fact that a) large segments of our population love to sing, and b) large segments of our population are tone deaf when it comes to their own voices. I myself think that I have an exceptionally good voice, and often exercise it at home, both in and out of the shower, until somebody asks me to stop. They ask me to stop because it sounds different to them than it does to me. What I hear is that old, familiar voice, the one that when muffled just a bit by a softly cascading shower, or a jackhammer, sounds exactly like Sinatra. I hear old Frank tumbling over my own personal vocal cords and echoing through my own personal eustachian tubes into my ears. From this end it sounds just fine, but from the receiving end it doesn’t. I know this because I’ve listened to myself on tape, and the results are very distressing. I ain’t Sinatra. But at any rate, when I was a youngster my parents liked Mitch Miller’s show. Mom had considerable musical talent and a very good voice. Dad had a voice which, at full volume, could wilt all the flowers in the house. Once, on a hunting trip, he was singing along with a tune on the radio in the old Studebaker, and Queenie, our senior beagle, raised her head and began to howl. Dad was convinced she was howling in appreciation of his musical ability. I was there, and heard it all. She was howling because beagles have sensitive ears, and she thought she could drown him out. It was a very unnerving duet, and lasted for what seemed like an etenity. Mitch Miller, along witth his chorale and orchestra, had hits on the Billboard charts (whatever that means) with songs like “The Yellow Rose of Texas” and the theme from “The Bridge on the River Kwai,” and his show featured old traditional pop tunes. He and the boys concentrated on songs like “Down by the Old Mill Stream,” “On Top of Old Smoky,” and “Stout-Hearted Men.” It wasn’t quite as bad as Lawrence Welk’s champagne music, but it was still the kind of stuff elderly folks (you know, people over thirty-five) could identify with. My parents loved the show, and sometimes, much to Queenie’s chagrin, Dad would join Mom in the sing-along. Granted, Mitch steered clear of my favorite Jerry Lee Lewis and Little Richard rock tunes, but I watched the show too. And there were even a couple of times, God help me, when all three of us sat there in front of that stupid Sylvania (with the patented fluorescent Halo Light screen), warbling away to one of Mitch’s favorite Jolson tunes. If you find it hard to imagine the Sanders family and their beagle, accompanied by Mitch and the Gang, belting out “Swanee,” then you’ll just have to trust me when I tell you it was an awful din. My favorite Miller tune was “Be Kind to you Web-Footed Friends,” which at the time I thought was terribly clever. Here, at no extra charge, are ome interesting Mitch Miller facts: 1. The sing-along concept did not originate with Mitch Miller, but was used in movie theaters in the 1930s in cartoons and musical shorts. 2. Speaking of musical shorts, my Uncle Carl once had a pair. 3. Contrary to popular belief, Mitch never directed viewers to “follow the bouncing ball.” There were no bouncing balls on that show, male dancers notwithstanding. 4. As a Columbia Records executive, Miller talked Frank Sinatra into recording “Mama Will Bark,” in which Old Blue Eyes was accompanied by the buxom actress “Dagmar” and several barking dogs. You can find this on YouTube, but you’ll probably regret it. 5. Many cars in the 1950s had bullet-nosed bulges on their chrome front bumpers. These were called Dagmar Bumpers, in honor of Dagmar’s own, personal bumpers, which were not chrome. This actually has nothing whatsoever to do with Mitch Miller, but I still like it. 6. In 1958, Mitch Miller’s reference to rock ‘n’ roll as “musical baby food” inspired the good people at Gerber to attach tiny kazoos to selected jars of strained carrots. 7. During the 50-day Waco siege in 1993, the FBI broadcast Mitch Miller’s sing-along music in a vain attempt to convince Branch Davidians to come out of their compound. (If they’d had a copy of “Be Kind to your Web-Footed Friends,” it probably would have worked.) 8. Mitch Miller and his goatee both passed away on Saturday, July 31, 2010, after a long day of roller skating and karaoke. He was 99. His goatee was somewhat younger. Most of the facts listed above are absolutely true. Trust me |