Road Apples by Tim Sanders
Oct. 3, 2011

Laughter, the best medicine?


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There have been several news articles lately about medical research which has proven that laughter is an effective treatment for pain. The prevailing theory is that laughter shakes your cranial endorphins loose, agitates them, and sends them off to do battle with their natural enemies, pain corpuscles, which cluster around nerve stalks, just above the roots.

This is a good theory, and I like it. But I would hasten to point out that not all laughter is therapeutic. For example:


• FORCED LAUGHTER - Forced laughter is neither natural nor healthy. People who practice Laughter Yoga, for example, gather in a large room to sit cross-legged on the floor and laugh. They are not provided with jokes, nor exposed to funny photos, nor amused in any way. They are simply instructed to go “HA HA HA HA” and “HO HO HO HO” in unison for several minutes. Then they all stop, sip some herbal tea, enjoy a tasty bean curd snack, and start up again. This does nothing for pain, nor for anything else, except that it exercises jaw muscles and vocal cords and allows the laugher to think deeply about something or other which may be the Path to Serenity, or may be just a wad of gum stuck to the bottom of his sandal. Contrary to popular belief, there is no scientific evidence that Laughter Yoga depletes brain cells; most of the participants were probably a little slow before they signed up for the course.


• SUPPRESSED LAUGHTER - Laughter, when it comes naturally, is a wonderful medical tool. Unfortunately, sometimes natural laughter is not appropriate and must be suppressed.

At a funeral, for example, when the elderly gentleman in a nearby pew breaks wind and his wife elbows him in the ribs and makes him say a bad word, you must do your best to suppress your laughter. This is not always easy, and requires a great deal of self control, because you do not want others to think you are laughing at the exaggerations in the eulogy.

I am very ticklish. It is a defect that has troubled me since childhood, and the condition has not improved over the years. When I visit my endocrinologist, who keeps a close check on my diabetes, he is always concerned with my feet, because diabetics often have foot problems. The soles of my feet are very, very ticklish, and although I know full well that Dr. Homan is not trying to tickle me when he runs that pointed little foot instrument up and down the bottoms of my feet to see if I can feel it (I CAN), I still convulse in paroxysms of laughter and wriggle around on the examining table like a worm on a hot skillet. It is not dignified, and I try my best, but the hysterical laughter still erupts. The doctor is used to this routine, and often calls the nurses and the receptionist in to watch. They get some therapeutic benefit from my laughter, but it does me no good at all. Some day my Herculean efforts to suppress that laughter will probably back up on me and result in a massive stroke.

But let’s forget about forced laughter and suppressed laughter, and talk about the natural, therapeutic kind that could safely be prescribed by licensed physicians. The obvious question would be, how do you prescribe laughter? My guess would be that now, in our electronic age, humorous DVDs will be the answer. Of course those therapeutic DVDs will have to be sold only at your local pharmacy, and at much higher prices. With the appropriate FDA warnings:


PRESCRIPTION: Take five minutes of the Tim Conway, Harvey Korman “Dentist’s Office” sketch twice daily as needed for pain. You may also take a nip of gin, by mouth. Do not spit.


WARNINGS: Insert product only into DVD player–NOT TO BE TAKEN INTERNALLY. If you are already taking the Laurel and Hardy “Laughter in the Nightclub” scene from “Blotto,” or the extra strength “I’m so Pretty” pain reliever sung by Jack Nicholson and Adam Sandler in “Anger Management,” inform your doctor. You may be overloading your endorphins. If you are reading “The Cat and the Painkiller” section of “Tom Sawyer,” discontinue “Dentist’s Office” therapy immediately.


[FDA Notice:] Do not take if you, or someone you know, or a close relative of someone you know, or your cat, is, or are, or ever has been, or might consider becoming at some point in the far distant future, pregnant. In rare cases, product has been known to cause Colitis, Tapeworms, Planter’s Warts, Neuritis, Neuralgia, Catarrh. Female Troubles, Impotence, Erections lasting for more than Four Hours, Bunions and St. Vitus Dance, although not necessarily in that order.


ADVISORY: Be sure to inform your physician of any other Laughter Inducing products you may be consuming. All such products may be addictive, so their use should be carefully monitored. A man in St. Louis lost his mind and jumped from a first-floor window, screaming “LUCY, YOU GOT SOME ‘SPLAINING TO DO!” after watching seventeen straight hours of low quality “I Love Lucy” DVDs which he had purchased from an unlicensed street dealer. His broken legs and his broken mind have since mended and he is now counseling other Laughter addicts.
 

Mark my words, when the pharmaceutical companies, the medical facilities, the doctors, the federal regulators and the personal injury lawyers get hold of humor, the price will skyrocket, and the quality will fall precipitously. We, the average American consumers, will be pawning our grandmother’s gold watch just to pay top dollar for an old, grainy copy of “My Mother the Car.”