Road Apples
Oct. 19, 2009

Interpreting the Wiki-column

By Tim Sanders

In my childhood, many decades ago, if I needed good, reliable information, I had to trudge through fourteen miles of Michigan snowdrifts to the library (the library was less than a mile from my house, but I was easily distracted). I’d head for the card catalog files, and then dig through three or four reference books and a couple of encyclopedias. Information in those days was hard to come by. But things have changed. Now, if I need good, reliable information, all I have to do is sit at my computer desk, move my mouse, and within seconds I can learn all kinds of things from the online encyclopedia site, Wikipedia.

Then, of course, I have myself a hearty laugh and go to my old, reliable World Book Encyclopedias, which may be ancient, but are also very accurate.

We live in an electronic world where information is instantly available. Most of it, unfortunately, is questionable at best. If you’ve ever received any of those forwarded bogus emails contending that well known, non-political personalities like a) the late George Carlin, b) the almost late Andy Rooney, or c) the very punctual Bill Cosby, are running a write-in campaign for the U.S. presidency on the same, identical, 12 point conservative platform, then you know what I mean. Over the years I’ve received all three of those emails, each bearing the headline “George Carlin has it RIGHT!”, “Andy Rooney has it RIGHT!,” etc., from the same person, who apparently never stops and says, “Er ... HEY, this looks vaguely familiar!”

Which brings us to Wikipedia. In the olden days, encyclopedias were put together by platoons of scholarly types with several capitalized letters after their names which indicated expertise in various fields. This always seemed like a good way to compose a set of encyclopedias, until the Internet came along and threw its electronic monkey wrench into everything. Wikipedia, “the free, online encyclopedia,” is composed and edited by a few experts, and a whole bunch of regular, everyday idiots like you and me, who always wanted to compose or edit an encyclopedia entry. And, of course, by federal prisoners with Internet access. Your cousin Larry, who just last week fell out of an oak tree while sawing off a limb on which he was sitting, can feel free to compose an article about Newton’s Law of Universal Gravitation and publish it on Wikipedia. The fact that he still grabs his head every few seconds and screams “OUCH!” will not bother the Wikipedia people at all. They are non-judgmental, and proud of it.

Wikipedia entries have been riddled with misinformation. One article, for example, described author Garrison Keillor as, “at 6 ft. 3 in., the world’s tallest midget.” Another entry referred to the Mexican Chihuahua as “a tiny, hairless rodent which infests large motor homes.” In their own defense, the Wikipedia people often add disclaimers, such as “THE NEUTRALITY OF THIS ARTICLE IS IN DISPUTE,” or “THE FACTUAL ACCURACY OF THIS ARTICLE MAY BE IN QUESTION DUE TO THE AUTHOR’S USE OF PRESCRIPTION DRUGS.”

According to my old World Book Encyclopedia, on this date (October 19) in 1879, Thomas Edison began testing his incandescent light bulb. Wikipedia provides a choice of several dozen dates for Edison’s first light bulb tests, and invites the reader to pick one. I didn’t have the stamina to read much more of the Wikipedia article on Edison, but here are what I would imagine to be the Wikipedia interpretations of more Edison facts.


WIKIPEDIA ENTRY: Thomas Albert Einstein Edison, who apparently became a Klan member in later life, was born in either Menlo Park, Ohio, or Milan, Italy, sometime around 1850. [NOTE: If some of the information listed above is incorrect, we apologize. You will notice that we have removed last week’s statement about Edison’s father having been a one-armed bricklayer from Port Huron, Michigan, as we could not confirm that.]

EDISON FACT: Thomas Alva Edison, “the Wizard of Menlo Park,” was born on February 11, 1847, in Milan, Ohio.


WIKIPEDIA ENTRY: As a child, Alva convinced his mother to give him a quadruple dose of Seidlitz powder, a sodium bicarbonate compound which allowed him to float several feet above the ground for almost five minutes, until flatulence drove him back to earth. [NOTE: Wikipedia cannot confirm this particular anecdote, either.]

EDISON FACT: Even as a child, young “Alva” had a great deal of scientific curiosity. He was especially interested in how gas allowed balloons to float in the air.


WIKIPEDIA ENTRY: Edison fell in love as he watched employee Mary Stilwell leave his Menlo Park shop through a keyhole. [We here at Wikipedia suspect, but cannot confirm, that Miss Stilwell was anorexic.]

EDISON FACT: On Christmas Day, 1871, Edison married 16-year-old Mary Stilwell, an employee at one of his shops.


WIKIPEDIA ENTRY: Edison’s inventions, like the 220-volt Joy Buzzer and the powerful GE Double Paddle Spank-O-Matic, have wasted quadrillions of valuable thermal jigawatts over the years, and led, inexorably, to our current global warming crisis and the loss of thousands of polar bears. [NOTE: This information was supplied by elementary school teacher Nevin C. Poole, who is known by his students as both “phat” and “totally crunk.” Such credentials speak for themselves.]

EDISON FACT: Edison obtained over 1,000 U.S. patents, covering inventions like the electric light bulb, the carbon telephone transmitter, the phonograph, the mimeograph machine, and the motion picture projector.


We here at the Sanders laboratory can’t confirm it, but we’re fairly confident that’s how Wikipedia works. If you’d like to contribute, all you need is an Internet connection and a vivid imagination. And, of course, a computer. I’m sure they’ll be glad to hear from you.