Road Apples
Dec. 28, 2009


 Flying Chihuahua tales

By Tim Sanders

I like most dogs, but I’ll admit that in the past I’ve been a bit narrow-minded when it comes to Chihuahuas. To my knowledge, I’ve never tried to do a Chihuahua physical harm, or insulted its intelligence, or made disparaging remarks about its parents. And have the Chihuahuas reciprocated over the years? Oh sure, they’ve given me absolutely no reason to dislike them. As long as I approached no closer than 100 yards, and didn’t look at them directly, or indirectly, or make any sudden movements, or any movements at all, or breathe, they seldom snarled or yapped or went for my ankles with their tiny little teeth bared. So I suppose it’s all due to my own personal idiosyncracies, but I’ve never wanted to own Chihuahuas, or to write about them, for that matter. At least not until I received an interesting email from Robin Rowan of San Jose, California, who is a native Alabamian and therefore a trustworthy source. Robin sent along an MSNBC online article dated December 19, with the following fascinating Chihuahua-related headline:


“Flying Chihuahuas! Dogs head east due to glut”


That headline conjured up visions of the California evening sky darkened by growling, yapping, squealing colonies of Chihuahuas, all winging their way to new territory in the east.

“What is it, Momma?” an innocent child asks.

“Don’t be afraid dear,” comes the reply. “It’s just a swarm of migrating Chihuahuas. During the day they roost upside down, hanging by their tails from under basement stairways, inside clothes closets, and from rear view mirrors in motor homes. Now they’re heading east because California is bankrupt and there’s no more Kibble.”

“How can they see where they’re going, Momma?”

“They have huge ears dear, and they use them like radar. All Chihuahuas navigate that way. Like I said, don't be afraid. Just stay inside the car and you’ll be perfectly safe.”

But of course the headline was misleading. Despite their diminutive size, their rodent-like appearance, and an uncanny resemblance to the feared Mexican Hairless Bat, Chihuahuas, even the California variety, cannot fly at all. Not on their own, anyway.

What that article referred to was a program funded by Grey’s Anatomy actress Katherine Heigl. With the cooperation of humane societies and Virgin America Airlines, Ms. Heigl’s foundation is shipping dozens of orphan Chihuahuas from California, where they have a surplus, to the east coast, where the small dogs are in demand due to something in the water supply that makes people on the east coast wacky. Of course I’m only kidding about the water. To quote the MSNBC story:


“The Chihuahua crisis in California developed as Hollywood featured the dogs in movies like “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” and “Legally Blonde,” they became constant companions to the rich and famous, backyard breeders saw a chance to make hundreds of dollars a dog and the recession forced some dog owners to abandon their pets.”


So now dozens and dozens of those surplus Chihuahuas are being flown from Los Angeles and San Francisco to places like Nashua, New Hampshire, and New York City. It is the kind of heartwarming holiday story that we all should applaud. And perhaps we should add a prayer for the east coast’s brave Chihuahua recipients, especially the elderly ones with tender ankles.

And here is something else about Chihuahuas. Last week we visited with my wife’s sister Elaine and her husband, Billy. They’ve recently adopted a year-old Chihuahua which they named Molly. Molly is not a California Flying Chihuahua, only one of the local varieties. Molly surprised me, in that she did not snarl or yap or bare her teeth or attempt to remove skin from my extremities. Molly was an altogether charming pup, and even let me pet her. This forced me to question if she was actually a bonafide Chihuahua. Her temperament seemed all wrong for that particular breed.

Elaine explained that yes, Molly was actually a Chihuahua, but she was not what they call an Apple Head Chihuahua. I believe Elaine said she was a Knob Head. Molly, I mean. My inference was that Knob Heads were less aggressive than Apple Heads. Whether or not there is any truth to that, Elaine did offer a snippet of the dog’s history, which I believe explains Molly’s unusual tranquility.

Molly has only a portion of her tail left. She’d belonged to a family with two other dogs and a youngster, and did not fit in. Her name while living in her first home was “Precious.” That explained a great deal to me. No living creature should ever carry the name “Precious.” I’ve never known anyone, human, canine, or otherwise, named “Precious” who was. Precious, I mean. I strongly suspect that one of the other dogs bit part of the little Chihuahua’s tail off, and that the name “Precious” had something to do with that. A regular, down-to-earth dog with a name like Rover or Spike is bound to resent a dog named Precious.

So here’s hoping that those new adoptive Chihuahua parents in places like New Hampshire and New York have the good sense not to name their Chihuahuas “Precious.” If they do they’ll probably have to remove a portion of their little doggie’s tail to calm it down. We’d advise removing the portion on the end, farthest from the remainder of the dog.