People need more than a fist bump

From the Pulpit
By Rev. Gary Hardin

If you've watched the TV game show “Deal or No Deal”, you've seen Howie Mandell give them. Michelle Obama gave one to Barack just before he gave his delegate victory speech. I'm talking about the ever-popular fist bump. Sometimes people refer to this gesture as a fist pounding, a knuckle bump, a Quarter Pounder, the power five, even a dap.

People give fist bumps to greet their friends, recognize an accomplishment, celebrate an achievement, or to offer mutual respect. My generation used a simple handshake to accomplish these acknowledgements. Later on people started using the “gimme-five” palm slap. Next in popularity were high-fives, then low-fives. Now folks give fist bumps. With a fist bump you don't have to stretch out, or extend, your arm as you do with a handshake, nor do you have to listen to that “Slap!” sound made by a high-five. Fist bumps are cool. Fist bumping shows you are “with it.”

The problem with fist bumping, even handshakes and high-fives, is that they don't do enough for people. Would you agree that people today face high levels of stress in their lives? Don't you know several friends or family members who are dealing with some kind of crisis? Aren't people feeling extremely anxious about the economy, rising gasoline and food prices, and the lack of affordable health care? Do you work with people who fear their jobs might be eliminated? Most likely, you can name someone who is grieving, lonely, discouraged, or hurting. That someone might be you.

Nearly everyone you meet is going through some type of difficulty. For this reason, people need more than handshakes to get them through their tough times. High-fives don't help hurting people recover from grief or addiction. They need more than a cool fist bump to conquer their anxiety.

What do people need from us? People need encouragement. Think of a gas can. I use mine to fill up my lawn mower. All of us need people in our lives who help fill us up. When we're down or discouraged, these individuals come alongside us, and through their encouraging words, fill us up with fresh determination to fight for another day.

Encouragement means we put courage into people. When we function as fill-'er-up people we give others a wonderful gift — the belief they can change, do better, persevere, and carry on in spite of their hardships.

People also need affirmation from us. We can't comprehend the numbers of individuals who have been told they would never amount to anything or that they weren't smart enough or good looking enough. In my ministry work I've met many people who believed they were permanent failures because of some mistake in their past.

What is affirmation? Think of it as genuine, not fake, compliments we give to people. “You handled that project well.” “That tie looks good with that shirt.” “You make the best coconut cake.” “Your Bible knowledge is amazing.” Spoken words of affirmation can change someone's worst day into a pleasant day. Affirmers are people changers.

But people also need support. Whereas encouragement and affirmation deal mostly with the words we speak, support focuses on the practical steps we take to help people get through life's difficult transitions — job loss, grief, divorce, serious illness, moving to a new place, to name a few. Mowing the grass for a shut-in, taking food to a family at the time of death, sending flowers to a hospital patient, cleaning the home of a new mom are all examples of support.

But support goes beyond practical help. When you listen to a hurting person without interrupting her, you are offering support. When you allow a person in crisis to tell his story without butting in to tell your story, you are supporting him. When we allow people to cry without putting a time limit on the expression of their emotions, we are giving support.

We might label encouragement, affirmation, and support as the Big Three when it comes to helping people. Each time we encourage, affirm, and support we act like Jesus who said, “I will not leave you comfortless. I will come to you” (John 14:18).

Gary Hardin is pastor of Enon Grove Baptist Church in Cedar Bluff. He and his wife, Linda, live in Centre. Comments can be sent to: garyhardin@tds.net.