Aug. 23, 2010
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How to have a G.R.E.A.T. marriage
From the Pulpit Building a great marriage does not happen through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate. Here's some advice for becoming a G.R.E.A.T. husband or wife. Give priority to your marriage. In the Bible's Book of Proverbs you'll find a phrase that occurs twice: A little sleep, a little slumber, and little folding of the hands to rest. When you observe a marriage that has shattered, seldom was the problem one explosive event that caused the marriage to split. Most often it was a little sleep, a little slumber, and a little folding of the hands to rest. I'm talking about months and years of neglect. When you neglect your marriage you are setting yourself up for trouble. Refuse the temptation to try to change your mate. You never will find this verse in the Bible: Try real hard to change other people. You can't change another person by your direct action, manipulation, or force. In fact, the harder you try to change someone, the more things will stay the same. Actually, the only person you can change is you, so change yourself and your expectations. By changing your faults and your irritating behaviors, you make your marriage stronger. Establish some common goals. When the two of you work together to create common goals, you build direction and vision into your marriage. Too many couples merely drift along, waiting to see what might happen. The better approach is to share your hopes and dreams, your needs and wants, and to build some shared goals. Consider goals concerning your finances, home improvements, vacations, continued education, and your spiritual lives. Goals build maturity and help each of you pick up the slack. Accept your mate. Another term for acceptance is unconditional love. Acceptance means you continue to love your spouse in spite of his or her shortcomings. With acceptance in your marriage you feel welcomed, loved, wanted. Acceptance means you don't have to prove yourself, jump through hoops, or earn your spouse's approval. When acceptance is missing, you feel judged, or you feel you can't do anything right. Make the choice to accept your mate, warts and all. Talk, talk, talk. Communication is the main factor in a successful marriage. If a couple is able to talk to each other about everything that concerns them, they will get through just about anything. Don't keep secrets, hide bills, or shade the truth. Speak words that build each other up, rather than words that tear each other down. Remember that communication involves listening as well as talking. Effective communication is the lifeblood of all great marriages. In the mornings, Linda and I are reading through a daily devotional guide. Today's devotion happened to focus on marriage. The writer observed that successful marriages are not built solely by ironclad commitment. They get their strength from commitment plus caring. The ideas I've just shared will help you be committed to your marriage and care about your spouse. Gary Hardin is pastor of Enon Grove Baptist Church in Cedar Bluff. He and his wife, Linda, live in Centre. Comments can be sent to: garyhardin@tds.net. |