Sept. 27, 2010
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What to do when you feel lonely
From the Pulpit Are you feeling lonely, isolated, disconnected, or alienated? You aren't alone. In 1953 only 9 percent of households were made up of people living alone. Today that number is a whopping 27 percent. Last night, 24 percent of Americans ate dinner alone. More than one fourth of Americans say they feel “extreme” loneliness at some time each month. Why is loneliness such a problem in our day? Our society emphasizes individualism. In previous generations extended families were the norm; today they are not. In our day people are marrying less, marrying later, and staying married fewer years than their parents. People in our day desire privacy. All these facts add up to a growing loneliness crisis in America. We need to understand that being alone is not the same as feeling lonely. Sometimes I want to be, and need to be, alone. In my years of pastoral ministry I've known many people who lived alone and were perfectly happy. Aloneness is a result of your circumstances. Loneliness is a state of your mind. Everybody has days when they feel loneliness, and it is normal to feel that way sometimes. So what should we do when feelings of loneliness cave in on us? The typical responses we hear are to get around people, find a hobby, join a club, sign up for a class, etc. All these suggestions have merit, and do help, but because feelings of loneliness are a state of mind I want to offer some additional counsel. First, understand that you are not alone. Literally thousands of people feel the same way. I know this fact does not solve your feelings of loneliness, but it might make you feel better about your own loneliness. Second, feelings of loneliness don't last forever. To feel lonely is an emotional reaction, not a state of being. Yes, loneliness hurts, but it will pass. In fact, feelings of loneliness can be relieved with a good night's sleep or from hearing a funny joke. Third, know that you are loved. The problem with loneliness is that it convinces us we are not really loved, otherwise we would not feel the way we do. The reality is that God loves you dearly, and so do many people in your life. Fourth, meet your needs. I'm talking specifically about your need for relationships. If you want friends, you have to take the initiative to be a friend. To have friends, you have to reach out to others. Fifth, live in a way that makes you feel good about yourself. Greet people warmly. Smile. Help people. Love people. Laugh more. Be a positive person. These little steps might seem insignificant to you, but they can mean the world to someone else, and can go a long way toward building your own feelings of significance. Last, develop your relationship with God. I love the Bible verse Psalm 68:6: “God makes a home for the lonely” (NAS). God really does care about you when you feel lonely. He said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5, NIV). Cultivate your relationship with God by reading the Bible and praying. Practice the presence of Jesus. Find a church to attend. Get involved in a Sunday school class. In church you will meet people just like you, feeling lonely at times, and struggling to overcome those feelings. Gary Hardin is pastor of Enon Grove Baptist Church in Cedar Bluff. He and his wife, Linda, live in Centre. Comments can be sent to: garyhardin@tds.net.
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