It’s discouraging when a perfect week of picking SEC football games (as I am wont to do) still doesn’t gain me any ground on the mystery 6^th grader in this season-long competition. I’m not sure if this kid’s dad is Danny Sheridan, but he or she certainly seems to be picking games at a higher percentage than sheer luck would account for. I think WEIS Radio End Zone Show producer Kurt Duryea has some explaining to do when this is all over with, because I smell a rat. 

Speaking of Nolen Sanford, the WEIS Radio play-by-play announcer reached for the cheese a little too hard last week. Once again (as he is wont to do) he allowed his JSU alumni status to cloud his vision, resulting in the loss of even more ground to the rest of us on the panel. Pat Dye once said hindsight is 50-50, but looking back it seems to me that poor Nolen might have been better off to simply pass on this contest when Duryea asked him, lest he soon find himself hovering around .500. I think Nolen’s shaved head is allowing too much heat and energy to escape from his brain, thus ruining his ability to properly prognosticate. 

Thankfully, I’m still two or three years away from being forced to resort to the Mr. Clean-like “chrome dome” look Nolen is sporting these days. When that time comes for me, I’ll need to borrow the Buck knife he uses for shaving. In the mean time, Here’s hoping he doesn’t slash my throat with it for taking him to the (pun alert) cleaners again this week.  

No. 10 Arkansas at Vanderbilt
I think a couple of teams – Alabama in particular – are probably happy to have played the Razorbacks early on, while they were still trying to figure out how to attack the 2011 season after the loss of star running back Knile Davis. His season-ending injury limited the Hogs’ offense to a single dimension for a while, and Alabama took advantage of that in week four. I’d love to pick the Commodores at home, especially after their convincing win over Army a week ago. But playing in Nashville isn’t exactly the typical SEC venue. As is typically the case when Vandy hosts an SEC foe, the visitors will have as many fans in the stands as the home team. I anticipate picking the Commodores to win a few more games this season (Florida, Kentucky and Tennessee remain on their schedule and are all vulnerable) … but not this week. Final: 34-21, Arkansas 

Ole Miss at No. 23 Auburn
It certainly seems appropriate that these two teams should meet on Halloween weekend. The Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde quality of both must have their coaches and fans feeling a little frightened right now. The Rebels fired right out of the gate last week against Arkansas, but the magical elixir wore off well before the final gun. If that same team shows up on the Plains Saturday and sticks around for 60 minutes, I think the Rebels can win the game. Auburn has shown little consistency on either side of the ball since the season began, and the quarterback situation didn’t really get a chance to sort itself out last week because Clint Moseley spent half the night climbing out from under a pile of pouncing LSU defenders. In the end, though, I think Gene Chizik’s team will be better prepared than Houston Nutt’s and will do once again what the Tigers have done several times over the past two seasons: find a way to win a game they should probably lose. Final: 31-27, Auburn 

Missouri at No. 16 Texas A&M
I honestly don’t know why SEC fans are screaming over the addition of Texas A&M to the conference in 2012. Have you people watched the Aggies play football this year? First of all, their 5-2 season record is better than over half the teams in the country’s self-proclaimed “premiere college football conference” (sorry Auburn, Florida, Tennessee, et al.). Secondly, almost every game they’ve played this year has been a barn-burner. You want fireworks? Gig ‘em. You want last-minute, hair-pulling finishes? Gig ‘em. Mike Sherman’s guys are fun to watch. Who gives a rat’s rear end about seeing Vandy and Kentucky chick-slap each other for 60 minutes when the Aggies are two channels over putting 28 points on someone in the first, giving it back by halftime, then doing it all over again in the last two quarters? I just told you what’s going to happen Saturday morning, but all you haters out there should watch this game and learn to appreciate the Aggies for yourselves. Final: 48-37, Texas A&M 

Mississippi State at Kentucky
Speaking of two teams that are probably going to spend 60 minutes chick-slapping each other … The Bulldogs are coming off a bye week and needed the rest after a narrow loss to the Gamecocks. Dan Mullen’s team has only played well this year when they were outmatched. Thus, the Bulldogs delivered close games against South Carolina (final score 14-12), Auburn (41-34) and LSU (19-6). When they thought the game was going to be a breeze, the Bulldogs barely barked at all, the result of which was a sloppy win over UAB and the need for overtime to get past Louisiana Tech. The Wildcats, who got clobbered four weeks in a row before getting past Jacksonville State last week, are bad enough that I don’t except much of an effort from State. Still, it will be enough. Final: 24-13 Mississippi State 

Tennessee Tech at Jacksonville State
How is it that a guy as mediocre a head coach as Watson Brown has been throughout his career can still hold down a job in college football? I’m sure he’s a nice guy, but he has only had five winning seasons in 26 years (112-178-1 overall). Somewhere out there, Charlie Brown just shouted “Good grief!” These teams appear to be fairly evenly matched. Both won close games against UT-Martin, and both won by comfortable margins over their other common opponent, Eastern Illinois. In his press conference earlier this week, JSU head coach Jack Crowe (88-78 career record) stumbled across the thought that cinched my prediction. “I think this is a pretty even matchup,” Crowe said. “It’s just who is going to bring their best preparation coming into this game.” I believe Crowe is a better football coach than Brown. So that’s that. Final: 34-24, JSU 

No. 13 South Carolina at Tennessee
The Volunteers have lost three in a row and may soon be asking for volunteers from the crowd at Neyland Stadium to play quarterback. Coach Derek Dooley, he of the awful orange pants, has already named true freshman Justin Worley the starter for Saturday because he “wants to try and win some games.” (You’d think he would have been trying to do that all along.) Unfortunately, despite having a team that is sub-par in several aspects of the game, Steve Spurrier’s defense is pretty good against the pass – number one in the nation, in fact. This one could get ugly, though not as ugly as those clown pants (retch!) that Dooley will be wearing on the sidelines Saturday afternoon. Final: 38-10, South Carolina 

No. 22 Georgia at Florida
My friend Nathan, a total nut job of a Georgia fan, says the Bulldogs have got this one in the proverbial bag. He thinks Florida quarterback John Brantley’s sprained ankle might be a little more serious than Wil Muschamp and staff are letting on. Nathan also believes Georgia can control the Gators’ ground game, and I think he’s right about that. He also reckons Georgia quarterback Aaron Murray is looking to redeem himself following that three-interception performance in last year’s 34-31 overtime loss. Nathan had some other dead-on analysis, too: “If we don’t make any stupid mistakes on special teams, or in general, I think we pull it off.” But he followed that with this observation, which is equally apt: “Of course, we always wet the bed against them which could cost us the game.” Despite all the liquid that will surely be consumed at the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party, I think the doggie diapers hold Saturday in Jacksonville. Final: 27-19, Georgia