I watched the LSU-Alabama game in a Buffalo Wild Wings in Chattanooga with friends last Saturday night. After the Crimson Tide went backwards on all three plays of its overtime possession – and based on what I’d already seen for the first 60 minutes of the game – I knew Alabama’s field goal try was going to be a dismal failure, and that the Tide were probably about to lose. 

“Check, please,” I said to the server the next time she passed by. Thankfully, by the time LSU’s kicker trotted onto the field for a can’t-miss field goal, I had my debit card back in my wallet and was headed for the door. When the obnoxious LSU fan two tables over started screaming and yelling a few seconds later, I didn’t even turn around to give him the finger. 

Anybody want to give me odds on Nick Saban actively recruiting the nation’s number-one high school placekicker this off-season? Honest-to-goodness, how can a team that is so well-rounded in every other aspect of the game forget to sign a placekicker? “They’re not important … until you need them,” someone said to me Sunday. Well, Alabama needs a good placekicker before it finds itself in another close game. Too bad we can’t get someone signed before the Iron Bowl. As any Alabamian worth his salt already knows, you can throw out the record book in that one – and after losing to LSU they way they did, I don’t like the Tide’s chances in ANY close games. 

Speaking of close, I didn’t get anywhere near there with my picks last week. I chickened out on my initial LSU pick, got close with my Vanderbilt pick, and whiffed completely on South Carolina. It’s going to be hard to catch Shannon Fagan and that blind-luck sixth grader now. But just like Nolen Sanford and Houston Nutt, I’m going to finish out the season despite not having a snowball’s chance in hell. 

No. 3 Alabama at Mississippi State
Like every other Crimson Tide fan at this point, I’m hoping that none of the games that remain on the 2011 schedule come down to a freaking field goal. Geez! I remember meeting then-placekicker Phillip Doyle in 1990, when I was a student at Alabama, and I remember thinking that the guy looked like a tight end or a linebacker instead of a placekicker. Among his most impressive on-field accomplishments was the field goal late in the Iron Bowl that year that put the game out of reach and locked up Bama’s first win over Auburn in four years. Trust me on this because I was sitting in the end zone, dead-center between the uprights, watching the ball come right at me: That baby went a country mile and came down with re-entry burns. I know you’re busy and all, Coach Saban, but for the sake of all that is good and holy will you PLEASE recruit a guy who can kick like Doyle? Appreciate it. Now, Tide fans, let’s take out our LSU-related frustrations on Dan Mullen’s hapless mutts. Final: 45-3, Alabama

Tennessee at No. 8 Arkansas 
I wonder if, after hearing about Derek Dooley sending the campus police to fraternity row to rush walk-on placekicker Derrick Brodus to Neyland Stadium last Saturday after the starter was injured during pre-game warm-ups, Nick Saban smacked himself in the forehead with the palm of his hand, kicked the family dog and exclaimed, “Why didn’t I think of that?!!” But seriously, Arkansas, is a much better football team than Tennessee. I went out on a limb last week and picked the Hogs to lose at home against South Carolina. That errant effort cost me dearly in the season standings. I know none of the other “experts” has the stones to pick the underdog here, so I could possibly gain some ground by sticking out my neck. But I cannot afford to make the same mistake (that of picking against the Hogs at home) two weeks in a row. Final: 41-17, Arkansas

No. 20 Auburn at No. 15 Georgia
Prior to last week’s game, Bulldogs coach Mark Richt suspended just about everyone on the offense and Georgia still churned out 258 rushing yards and scored 42 point in a single quarter. Did I mention that Auburn’s rush defense is practically non-existent? This shouldn’t even be much of a game, but Georgia fans will tell you that Richt’s teams have a habit of losing focus when it matters most. And with the SEC East title well within their grasp, this one really matters. In the history of this series, Auburn leads 53-51-8. Georgia won’t cover the point spread (8.5, the last I checked), but they will maintain focus, pull to within one game of even in a series that began way back in 1892 and put themselves in the catbird’s seat for a trip to Atlanta -- and the LSU-administered butt-kicking that will surely come with it. Final: 28-23, Georgia 

Louisiana Tech at Ole Miss
In the press conference earlier this week where his dismissal was announced, Ole Miss coach Houston Nutt said, “I’d feel real bad if I couldn’t coach the next three, because I always tell our guys to finish.” Despite how often I use this column to question Nutt’s abilities as a coach, I respect his attitude. Sure, it’s only La-Tech this week, but don’t expect the lowly Rebels to lay over for the remainder of the 2011 season. There’s something about football players that makes them work harder for a coach when someone else – or in this case, everyone else – thinks he no longer deserves the job. Final: 27-10, Ole Miss 

Florida at No. 13 South Carolina
I probably ought to pick Florida to win, because I know Nolen hasn’t got the nerve to crawl out onto this shaky limb. Can’t say I blame him, though. Florida? Dismal, dreary, defenseless Florida? On the road? With Wil Muschamp bouncing along the sidelines, eyes darting and arms waving, like a lost kid in Wal-Mart? Against the Old Ball Coach? Nah. I’d have better luck trying to stop a freight train with an Ace bandage. Florida is coming off its worst month (0-4) since the SEC went to its current format in 1992; Muschamp is down on players, and has been since the season began; Florida is the most penalized team in college football. Seriously, these guys couldn't beat the Washington Generals (for the neophytes among you, that's the team that always plays the Harlem Globetrotters). Sweet Georgia Brown, but these guys are just awful. I want to mix things up a little, but I'd be nuts to take a crack at this one. Besides, the Gamecocks have to win to stay abreast of Georgia and maintain their outside shot at finishing first in the SEC East. Final: 27-17, South Carolina

Kentucky at Vanderbilt
I think Joker Phillips and the Wildcats will find out Saturday that this is not the same Vanderbilt team they soundly defeated (38-20) last year in Lexington. This time in 2010, the Commodores were 2-7 and typically awful. But Jim Franklin’s team has been “in” most every game this season, including last week’s 26-21 loss to Florida in the Swamp and the week before when they played Arkansas down to the final seconds. This team hasn’t crested just yet, but they seem to believe they can actually compete in the SEC. That’s half the battle, for decades-in-the-doldrums Vanderbilt. A win over Kentucky isn’t exactly reaching the top of the mountain, but it will get the Commodores to .500 with only Kentucky and Wake Forest standing in the way of a truly impressive one-year turnaround. Final: 27-20, Vanderbilt 

Jacksonville State at Southeast Missouri
The Gamecocks (5-4) travel to Cape Girardeau, Mo. to take on the Redhawks on Saturday, a week after giving one away on Senior Day. The Gamecocks simply aren’t playing well right now. They’re giving up big leads, making costly on-the-field mistakes, committing crucial turnovers. It’s going to take a lot of hard work and dedication to get back on the winning side of the ledger. If only the Gamecocks could line up for 60 minutes against some hapless team that makes a habit of playing lousy football all the time. A team that is 3-6, let’s say, and averages giving up nearly 34 points a game. Ask and ye shall receive, Gamecock fans. Final: 37-13, Jacksonville State 

Texas A&M at No. 14 Kansas State
The Aggies haven’t officially joined the SEC yet and I’m already tired of looking up their information and writing about them. That’s on me, too, because adding them to the pick sheet was my harebrained idea. On top of everything else, we have to add Missouri – Missouri! – to this column next year. Just about the only things I know about Missouri are that the state looks like Georgia’s shorter, fatter uncle, and last week an 87-year-old woman who lives there shot her 88-year-old husband because she suspected he was having an affair with her hairdresser. So basically, what I know about Missouri is that the people who live there are over-sexed, over-primped octogenarians who are trigger-happy, probably because their state looks like Danny DeVito. What the hell does any of that have to do with football? Beats me. Final: 45-38, Kansas State