By Scott Wright

Editor's note: Warning. This column contains language that may be inappropriate for children under the age of 17 ... even if they are Republicans.

Conservative columnist and Bush bootlicker Robert Novak finally admitted last week, in a column in the Chicago Sun-Times, something that anyone with a brain and a calculator could have figured out a long time ago (and plenty of us already have): the Republicans' Medicare Prescription Drug Benefit is probably going to go down in the annals of history as a national disaster of epic proportion.

I usually try and refrain from such schoolyard antics as are about to follow, but ... to anyone who thought this plan was a good idea, I offer this negative reinforcement in the wake of Novak's admission: I told you so.

Our representatives in Washington, all Republicans, have tried repeatedly to convince me of the worthiness of this drug plan, and I admit some seniors stand to gain from the plan if they can be persuaded to sign up. Problem is, the administration made the plan so complicated that no one wants to touch it with a nine-meter cattle prod. If you ask me (and Bob Novak, as you'll soon discover) the complexity was intentional.

Normally I don't care for much of anything that either spews from Novak's Grinch-like mouth or leaks onto the page from his whored-out keyboard, but it was satisfying to read the admission he submitted for publication in the Sun-Times on Jan. 9.

First off, Novak actually cited the "hideous complexity of the scheme, which has the effect of discouraging seniors from signing up." The numbers prove him right on that point, too; by the millions, senior citizens are telling the Republican Congress where to shove their prescription pads by ignoring the existence of the Byzantine contraption. An article in the Dec. 23 edition of The Gadsden Times pointed out that only around 10 percent of eligible seniors nationwide had signed up for the program. (That number doesn't include the 17 million or so people who already had some form of federal prescription coverage who were supposed to be automatically enrolled in the new program whether or not they understood all the plans, co-pays and doughnut holes involved; more on that in a minute.)

Surprisingly, Novak blamed Bush's brain, the nefarious Karl Rove, for the plan's intentional confusion. Maybe there's finally hope for some honesty from conservative columnists, even if the prospect for honesty in conservative congressmen seems to get more and more bleak each day as the Abramoff/DeLay scandal headlines pile up by the dozens.

Novak went on to mention (in case those of us who followed the Bush drug plan from creation to implementation had somehow forgotten) that the eventual cost of the program -- now projected to come in at over $720 billion after the GOP initially cited a number around half that -- will "further swell the budget deficit without commensurate political benefits."

Thank goodness someone who represents the fiscal misfits who are currently running this country finally figured out his calculator is good for something besides punching in the appropriate numbers to spell out "BOSS HOGG" and "SHELL OIL" when it's turned upside-down.

Novak continued his assault on Rove and Co. a couple of paragraphs later, reminding readers that in December 2003, "the White House and the House Republican leadership forced the drug benefit down the throats of unhappy conservatives."

Indeed, the occasion was crooked-ass Tom DeLay's finest moment. The vote for the drug plan was held open for over an hour while the Hammer and his crooked cronies cris-crossed the House floor threatening hesitant (read rational) Republican congressmen with "dire consequences" and offering them "rich rewards" if they would ignore their conscience and vote for the drug plan, which eventually passed the House by a single vote. A prediction: Don't be totally surprised if the ongoing Abramoff/DeLay scandal, which currently seems linked mainly to golf outings, bribery schemes and Indian casino double-crosses, eventually grows to the point that the skullduggery employed by the GOP on that night comes under considerable question.

Basically, Novak explained, the Bush/Rove drug plan was designed to "entice low-to-middle income seniors who vote heavily Democratic and complain about the cost of prescription drugs." Further, Novak admitted the Rove boys contrived a drug plan "so difficult to understand that someone receiving any prescription drug care would be inclined to stick with the present program even if it (seemed) inadequate." In other words, Rove figured, "hey, if we build this and then hand out to everyone in the country a map of how to get there that's printed in Mandarin Chinese and doesn't indicate the desired destination in any way whatsoever, maybe no one will come!"

The current drug program, Novak finally admitted before closing with a few well-placed smooches to the seat of the administration's pants -- he couldn't resist, nor has he ever been able to -- was this little nugget: "For many whose existing insurance does not help pay drug bills, the Bush program is only a disappointment."

Holy cow, people. Do you realize how terrible this program must be for someone like Robert Novak to say so? You guessed it: George W. Bush's prescription drug plan totally sucks.

That's a fact, Jack. USA Today reported on Friday in a story titled "Seniors denied Rx drug benefits" that thousands of low-income and disabled Americans who supposedly had their drug coverage automatically transferred are finding out from their pharmacists that "they're not enrolled (in the new program), or their drugs aren't covered, or they must pay deductibles and larger co-payments than they can afford."

"It's a major public health crisis," Jeane Finberg of the National Senior Citizens Law Center told USA Today. "People are trying to get their drugs and they can't get them."

The story reported that states across the nation are being forced to come up with their own solutions to the problems Bush's drug plan is causing. Officials in California, Illinois, and Pennsylvania, to name a few, have already announced they will pay the drug bill for the thousands who are being inexplicably left out.

President George W. Bush, ladies and gentlemen ... how about a nice round of applause.

Uncharacteristically for a Bush cheerleader of his renown, Novak also pointed out in his Jan. 9 column that the ultimate failure of the program will probably spell big-time trouble for Republicans come November.

Hey, don't say it like it's a bad thing, Bob. After all, the Republican president and his perverted puppeteer purposely created a program that they hoped would be so confusing that no one would want to participate in, remember? Then, the Republican Congress went along with the screw job, lied about the cost, stood idly by during the forced removal of the non-partisan budget guru who tried to publicize the true depths of their fiscal deceit, and featured members who threatened "dire consequences" to any fellow congressman whose common sense warned him of the peril of passing the plan.

Hellfire and Harry Truman! It's too late to show W the door, at least for this particular debacle, but a permanent trip home on the next plane out of Washington, D.C. is exactly what ought to happen to any other politician willing -- either by hook or by crook -- to sign his name to a prescription drug plan as duplicitous, despicable and indiscernible as this one.

Scott Wright is a member of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists and an award-winning member of the Society of Professional Journalists. He is a native of Cherokee County.